No, this isn’t a story of traveler’s diarrhea.  It is a story of on line dating.

Never did I think I would sign up for one of those dating sites.  As independent as I was, I never worried too much about finding a date.  Boredom took over.  Maybe I was spending way too much time drinking.  I started to think about my options.  Being in a small town, they were limited and somehow, one night, I made a profile.

If you plan on trying this, my advice would be: Have fun with it.  Expect failure.  Laugh at the situations you get yourself into!  Keep trying.  Eventually I found my husband:)

Here are a couple stories that kept my friends entertained during my online searches.

The worst had to be Mr. Joey’s Only.  It was a school night and I had driven two hours.  He picked the place.  As soon as he stepped out of his mini van, I knew the pictures had been fake.  Being a nice person, I followed him inside.  Looks aren’t everything, but it was hard to keep a straight face.  Across the table was a man wearing khaki pants that were too short, a tucked in collared shirt, a short leather jacket.  He was missing a tooth and had a porn stache!

Even so, I ordered food instead of running.  ( My mother did raise me with manners)  He proceeded to prove that his quirky looks did NOT come with a brain.  We argued over where my home town was located and he would not back down in his belief that snapper fish was really turtle tongue.

I ate.  Ordered drinks.  Chugged a couple down…and took my phone to the ladies room.  This is when I text a couple friends, ” OMG.  Fake pic. In the Can.  Kill me now!!”

THEN!  as the bill came, he reached for his wallet.  Oh no, He had left it in the van.  AS IF.  All of this and I was going to have to pay??  I watched him run out to ” get” it.  At this point I looked at the waitress and said, ” Never trust an online picture.”  She burst out laughing and we had a good chuckle.  Now, I don’t think I am anything special, but hair was perfect that day!

Luckily, he came in and paid.  I said a quick thank you and ran to my car to call my mom!

# 2 on my funny stories would be the man who got arrested on our first date.  ( What is with crazy jealous exes??)  Short version, he had a few(3) friends over for supper, his teen daughter came home and got mad that he wouldn’t give her money, she ran to her mom’s and told her we were having a huge party.  When the cops showed up and surrounded the house they were surprised to find 4 silent people eating spits and throwing shells into the fire.  When they asked where the young child was, we pointed to the ten year old on the trampoline.  They were made to believe a toddler was in danger. Because they had a past with child services, we all had to give statements and he was hauled of to jail!

None of this was his fault, I was there to see the whole thing, but obviously it wasn’t going to work out:)

Online dating can be an ego boost, but there are a lot of wackos out there.  You have to talk to people.  Weed out the weirdos.  Don’t be afraid.  Bad dates make for good learning experiences….or at least a good story!

My husband happened to live in the next town.  He cooked a feast for me and we have barely been apart since the first day we met!  If I had been scared to meet people, or given up after the liars, druggies, and “criminals”, I would have never made it to where I am today!

Do you have a bad date story??

3 thoughts

  1. I started talking to this girl online a while back; her pictures were cute, she seemed super nice and artsy just the way I like them. Her Body structure on the profile read as “average” – even though all her photos were from the neck up I thought she must have a killer body than. Her profile also said Tattoos; which I like. So after 4 months of talking online (yes forever) we finally made plans for her to come over and i was going to cook her dinner. She called me the night of and said that she had to bring her friends two “small” dogs as she was dog sitting. So I thought for sure no problem. 7 pm rolls around no show, 8 pm no show – 9 pm and door bell rings. I answer the door and there is this 6ft6 girl where I literally had to ‘look up’ with these two dogs that were at least too my waist if not bigger. She did NOT have a “Average” body if you know what I mean.
    I thought the same as you; okay it’s not all about looks. So I invite her in; as she came in both dogs ran me over and went right for my kitchen where the food was nicely sitting. They knocked it off and chowed down on the meal. We sat down on the couch to chat and have a glass of wine – the dogs knocked over the wine onto my remote for the music which shorted out and I couldnt’ adjust the volumn. She than put her Leg basically on my leg (and not to be rude, she didn’t have a very small leg, it was big..very big) than she asked if she could tattoo me and pulled out a bag of “pens” and proceeded to try and draw on my arm.
    Meanwhile the dogs are barking and running back and forth with huge barks, neighbors are banging on the walls, music wont turn down, and this lady who is NOTHING like her pictures or what she saids she was is trying to DRAW on my arm.

    We didn’t have a second date. Sigh.

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